My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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