She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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