No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I still have a little drunk in my system
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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