The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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