I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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