I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize