I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
