And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
