So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
