i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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