okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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