I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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