I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she smelled like a LAN party
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
