she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
