And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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