his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
