I think i sorta joined a cult last night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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