bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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