I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
