how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
