The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I believe in your delicious
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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