Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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