I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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