hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
