a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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