His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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