I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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