i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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