The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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