brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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