The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
