someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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