if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
