I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
