and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
