having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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