where am i from again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What a dumb baby whore.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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