Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
