at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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