I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
