My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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