I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
