My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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