Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
