Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize