Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you never un-have a 4some
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
