um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
