i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
