Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
