I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
