I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
