My nipple is on Facebook.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He shit in the fireplace
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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