omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
