i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
