yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
