P.S. I can't hear my feet
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
