Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
