It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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