just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
