i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
