I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
