You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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