How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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