I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
