I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
