We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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