my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
