Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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