I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
