i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
